John's Life Without Gambling

Day 1108 - Updates?

2005-12-05T18:53:00.000-08:00

Hello there...sorry I havent been to diligent about updating this blog, but one of the benefits of remaining abstinent from gambling is that I have become very busy with all the other areas of life!

But, a short update. I am still doing well...recently celebrated my 3 year anniversary of not gambling and we had a great meeting. I was touched by all those who attended, many from significant distance.

Work is busier..(good thing...get to pay off the bills faster!), personal life still kindof on hold...but given where I was 3 short years ago...I have nothing to complain about!! The quality of my problems has definetely improved!

John

Day 1004 - Yes, I am still alive..!

2005-08-17T20:03:00.000-07:00

Hello anyone here reading. I know it has been a few weeks since I have added any content to this site. I am doing well, no I am not gambling!! As a matter of fact, my abstinence from the bet is allowing me to have a very BUSY life both personally and professionally which is helping to have the blogging slowed down.

I am thinking I need to move this back into my priority list as I found it to be a good tool, so check back and hopefully I will be back to a more frequent posting schedule!

Thank you for all the e mails I have recieved asking where I have been. They mean alot.

John

Study Ties Risk of Problem Gambling with Proximity to Casinos

2005-06-29T11:03:00.000-07:00

No big surpirse to me here, but this article highlights a recently published study that shows a marked increase in problem gamblers, the closer people live to a casino. The study also showed an increased prevelance to those in poorer neighborhoods also. The researchers did point out that geography is NOT as much of a factor as other indicators, but if a person is pre-dipsosed to have problems they will be increased if the person is close to gambling.

I think that is likely what happened in my case. I had never gambled much at all, and definetely did not have a problem, UNTIL the Indian casinos moved to town. That gave me access I didn't have before and I took advantage. Remember, I do not blame the casinos for my addiction, but we do need to realize that there will be social consequences to our legalized gambling expansion and those need to be addressed.

John

Problem Gambling In Utah?

2005-06-29T08:24:00.000-07:00

Utah newspaper, the "Deseret News" has been running a special series on the effects of gambling in Utah, where "officially" there is no legalized gambling but where the bordering states each offer plenty of gambling to those willing to make the 2 hour drive, of which there are many.

Todays article is completely focused on the problem gambling problem and how it may impact Utah.

Read more here:

Gambling Spurs Social, Legal Woes

I have always found the paradox interesting as there is a VERY large Mormon population in Las Vegas in addition to Utah, yet somehow the two cultures seem able to co-exist.

John

Canadian Memorial Service Remembering Compulsive Gambler Suicides Held

2005-06-27T13:41:00.000-07:00

HALIFAX – As Phyllis Vineberg stood and began to shuffle between the pews in St. Patrick’s Catholic Church on Brunswick Street, she couldn’t go on. Hunched over, she broke silently into tears.

Vineberg was one of about 75 people attending a vigil for families and friends of people who had committed suicide because of an addiction to VLTs.

more...

This article appeared in the Halifax Daily News. The article goes onto to describe the social costs of legalized gambling and in particular the addictive Video Lottery Terminals (VLTs).

Day 952 - Still Making Difficult Choices

2005-06-26T18:54:00.000-07:00

Hello All,

First I would like to take a quick moment and thank all the nice e-mails and comments from you regarding my post of a couple of days ago regarding my lack of "personal journaling" here of late. It does have an impact. Thanks.

So, I am one the oldest of six brothers in my family. This weekend one of them got married. The wedding took place in Boston, MA and of course I live in San Diego, CA. Attending would realistically mean taking almost a week off from work, and the cost of a plane ticket, hotel, and food for a few days. Probably about a thousand dollars.

Thankfully, I actually have this kind of money in the bank now. Since I placed my last bet 2 1/2 years ago things of course get better all the time financially. I mean when I am not spending my very last dollar at the blackjack table thinking I was "going to come back" and then "leave when I got back up", money problems are lessened. I also somehow actually have a few thousands dollars worth of credit cards available to me again with ZERO balances on them. I live pretty much cash in hand type of life these days. I still am amazed that I can go from homeless shelter to having credit again in the time it took...about a year before I got my first one, and then 6 months later another even bigger one.

BUT, the cash in the bank is there for emergencies, and I already owe enough money so I try not to use my cards except for gas etc. and then I pay them every month. Also, even though money problems are lessened now, I still owe A LOT of money to people.

Hence my dilemma about my brother's wedding. This would have been the first time in approximately 10 years that all six boys would have been in the same place at the same time, something VERY important to my mother. Also, one of the things about not gambling anymore is that I am INVITED to these family functions again. For a long time they could have cared less where I was. After all, they were tired of the lying and stealing I was doing back then.

So, in the end I had to weigh several factors. In the mix was that when I don't work I don't get commissions. I make most of my money off those commissions, so the cost of the trip itself would have then had lost wages on top of it. Also, I am committed to spending about $400.00 this fall for my attendance at the National Gamblers Anonymous Conference in October (details on the right by the way!). I justify this by the realization that if I don't make my recovery priority number one, NONE of the other stuff matters because at some point I will go back to gambling. That is what a compulsive gambler does when one gets complacent. So, the money is a good investment, even for those I still owe. It makes it more likely they will see there money at some point.

In the end I decided I could not afford to go to the wedding. I did send a gift, and I spoke to my brother and bride on the phone. Not ideal, but I think the family understands.

I hope so at least.

John

Louisian Program Treats Gambling Addiction

2005-06-26T18:49:00.000-07:00

Reprinted from "The Advocate" 6/25/05.

NEW ORLEANS -- A fledgling state program that offers treatment rather than jail to some gambling addicts who commit certain nonviolent crimes is helping to put Louisiana at the "forefront" of efforts to deal with problem gambling, Attorney General Charles Foti said Friday.

"They can keep their families together. They can deal with their addiction," Foti, touting two of the benefits of the new "Gambling Treatment Referral Program," said at the 19th annual Conference on Prevention, Research and Treatment of Problem Gambling.

"We're attempting to reach the root of the problem," he said.

The referral program is a joint effort of Foti's office, the state Department of Health and Hospitals' Office for Addictive Disorders, the Louisiana Association on Compulsive Gambling and local district attorneys.

It is designed to help first or second offenders who have committed nonviolent crimes that are directly related to compulsive gambling receive treatment instead of prison time. The crimes can include theft, forgery, issuing worthless checks, credit-card fraud, insurance fraud and failure to pay child support. Addicts sometimes resort to those crimes to fuel their gambling habits.

I have always thought that the issue of criminal activity related to compulsive gambling is behind the times when compared to drugs or alcohol in our society. I am glad to see this starting to change. I hope the program is successful and other states begin to follow suit.

John

Nice Article Featuring My Friend Carol O.

2005-06-24T10:38:00.000-07:00

The Las Vegas Business Press did a nice article about the recently approved state funding to expand compulsive gambler treatment in Nevada. The article even has a picture and several quotes from my good friend Carol O'hare, Executive Director of the Nevada Council On Problem Gambling.

Some may remember that Carol is the woman who was thre for me that first morning that I finally began my abstinence and eventual recovery. (See "Remembering Day One" on the right.)

Day 949 - Where Have I Been?

2005-06-23T21:07:00.000-07:00

Evening all,

Well, some of you that return here daily may be wondering where I have been? NO, I was not gambling and I am grateful for that! I continue to work other areas of my recovery to ensure I am always aware that I am a compulsive gambler and to place that first bet would almost assuredly lead to disaster for me.

But, I have not been applying myself to the continuous updates to the blog here as I used to. No real special reason...just busy with other life and sort of in a "nothing much to say" phase.

As the compulsive/impulsive person I am though, as I thought about the fact that I have not been journaling here every single day as I was, and some days not adding anything to the site at all, my first reaction was of course....TO QUIT! To shut it down.... The easy way out still lives inside me in many ways even though I am not gambling anymore.

Thankfully however, I have learned to wait beyond my initial reaction in most situations and this one was no different. After some thought, I realized it was really the journaling that is the most difficult for me to add each and every day since there are really a lot of days I don't have much to say? But, adding the news articles and the saying of the day etc. is not very difficult.

Also, I continue to be amazed at the number of new people that get to this site. Most are searching on "gamblers anonymous" or "gambling addiction" etc. Once they get here MANY of the visitors read through 10-15 pages including the "My Story" section and others. The average time a new visitor spends on my blog is over 15 minutes....that's amazing! Of course all of you who visit often spend considerably less since I believe you are just getting updated with news etc...

So, for now at least I will make a better effort to at least post news every day. I cannot guarantee any personal commentary every day, but I am sure I will write something a few times a week. After all, that part of the blog is really for my own benefit rather than anyone else's. I am not even sure that part ever gets read....

Enough for tonight.

John

PBS Show Explores Teenage Compulsive Gambling

2005-06-22T11:19:00.000-07:00

"DUSTIN WAGGONER: I had $1,000 in my son's bank. And I took that out and spent it. I don't know why I did it. As I was drawing the money out of the bank, I felt like a bullet was going through me, but I wasn't smart enough to put it back. I remember I lost that $1,000. I remember leaving the casino at about 2:00 in the morning. I was just bawling my eyes out. And I usually don't cry, but I mean, I cried and cried."

The paragraph above is an excerpt from a TV story done on PBS in Washington State recently. The transcribed version of the story can be viewed online here.

It is a well done story focusing more on the actual risks teenagers face with the current poker craze including statistics and interviews.

Recovery Saying of the Day...

2005-06-22T08:15:00.000-07:00

"Face Everything And Relapse"

or

"Face Everything And Recover"

FEAR is our constant enemy as we travel through each day trying to stay away from that first bet. Fear that some of the things we did will be found out. Fear that our lives will be unliveable if we don't fix the financial damage we did quickly enough to satisfy our creditors. Fear that if we tell our problems to others they will never understand or show any compassion, so why bother? Fear, Fear, Fear... We MUST overcome each fear as they present themselves.

Aussie Play Portraying Compulsive Gambler Opens

2005-06-20T15:36:00.000-07:00

After receiving some funding from a fund earmarked for problem gambling education, an Australian play entitled Ruby's Last Dollar opens at the Opera House theatre open June 22nd, 2005 according to this article.

The play described in greater detail in the article highlights the plight of a cabaret dancer that falls prey to the lure of slot machines, but also has undertones describing how prevelant gambling has become in the land down under, and how the playwright feels much of the senior population has been neglected as a result.

Interesting way to spend compulsive gambler treatment funds, but I think it is great!

John

GA - Even In Ottumwa Iowa!

2005-06-20T15:26:00.000-07:00

Nice little article in the Ottumwa Courier describing a gathering of the recently started Gamblers Anonymous group there. Nothing special, just people sharing their experience, strength, and hope with each other. Here is the entire Article complete with the "Another Chance" poem:

Finding A Way Back

Who knows maybe I ll stop by the meeting one day and see Walter O'Reilly (RADAR) from teh M.A.S.H. show!

Crime Watch - Compulsive Gambler Pleads Guilty To Robbery

2005-06-20T08:49:00.000-07:00

From the Morning News - Compulsive Gambler Pleads Guilty .

6th Grade Gamblers - Toronto Star

2005-06-20T08:44:00.000-07:00

Nice little editorial about the Texas Hold 'em craze ongoing in our youth from the Toronto Star newspaper. Basically saying what I have said here numerous times. That the Poker Craze MAY be just a fad, but that we just don't know yet and we must be vigilant.

Read the entire editorial here.

CA Awards Prevelance Study Contract?

2005-06-20T08:38:00.000-07:00

I recieved a couple of articles over the weekend, including this one in the San Mateo Times announcing that the California State Gambling Prevelance Study I have spoken about here in the past. The article says the study will be conducted by the National Opinion Research Center and the University of Chicago.

Thing is, I cannot find any press releases on either the State Office of Problem Gambling site, or the NORC site? It is about the time that was scheduled for award, but I am not 100 percent sure it is the same study, although it likely is.

I ll keep you updated.

Recovery Saying of the Day...

2005-06-20T08:34:00.000-07:00

"People may not always believe what I say, but they will always believe what I do."

I have learned that the things I did as a compulsive gambler caused everyone around me to lose trust in everything I said. Why wouldn't they? I mean all I did was lie, cheat and steal from all of them. And not just on occassion, but over and over and over again to the point I could not keep the lies straight.

So, when I told them I had finally started to get the help I needed and was going to do my best not to place a bet, they were skeptical. Today, thankfully they have seen the ACTION I have taken to do so for some time and some of that trust is begininning to return.

Not Feeling Well...

2005-06-19T10:44:00.000-07:00

Hey there all,

Sorry about no post the last couple days....I have many to do, but have been laid up in bed with fever...it hurts my fingers to type! I am starting to come out of it and hopefully will have energy to do something tonight..

John

MN - Workshop Addressing Problem Gambling In Southeast Asian Community Planned - 6/27/05

2005-06-17T08:30:00.000-07:00

Lao Assistance Center of Minnesota will host a Learning and Opportunities Workshop on Problem Gambling in the Southeast Asian Community. The event will be held on Monday, June 27, from 9:00 a.m. to 1:00 p.m. at Harrison Community Center, 503 Irving Avenue North in Minneapolis.

The workshop will share with mainstream practitioners and others in the Asian community the accumulating research and knowledge gained over the past 18 months in developing and implementing both prevention and treatment strategies that effectively respond to the needs of the Southeast Asian Problem Gambler.

There will be a $10.00 fee for this workshop to cover the cost of morning refreshments and lunch. This fee will be collected at registration on the morning of the workshop.

For more information call the Lao Assistance Center of Minnesota at 612-374-4967 or email rick@laocenter.org, sunny@laocenter.org.

New Casinos in CA To Include Increased Programs For Problem Gamblers

2005-06-17T08:21:00.000-07:00

Governor Arnold completed negotiations for compacts this week with two Indian tribes in the state to contruct new casinos. This is not all that newsworthy as far as this blog goes, except that it shows there is still a strong desire to expand legalized gambling in the state.

But the good news part of the story is that little by little the aspect of gambling addiction is being addressed in these compacts.

Requirements of the compacts include a provision to provide the local governmental entities with funding to mitigate local impacts of the casinos, including gambling addiction.

But the tribes this time seem to be taking a more concerted effort BEYOND what is required of them. A welcome change. The new casinos will include a an extensive problem gambling program that includes the following: signage at all public entrances, ATM's, and exits bearing a toll-free help-line for assistance for gambling problems; exclusion programs that deny access and credit for patrons who exhibit signs of problem gambling; prevention of underage individuals from loitering in any areas where there is gambling; responsible gaming messages in advertising which will make no misleading claims; and the adoption of a code of conduct derived from that of the American Gaming Association that addresses responsible gambling and responsible advertising.

Good for them.

Read the entire article here from the Bakersfieldonline website.

Recovery Saying of the Day...

2005-06-17T08:13:00.000-07:00

"Before you say I can't, say I'll try."

Often when I get phone calls from people on the Gamblers Anonymous hotline the gambler, or the person affected by the gambler are crying. From within the tears they explain to me how bad life has gotten for them, the family, and everyone around them. This is a feeling I can completely relate to. It was not that long ago that I too was wrapped up in the chaos of the gambling lifestyle.

However, after the crying, when I try to offer them some soft suggestions based on my experience I meet with considerable resistance? When I try to suggest a meeting near them on a given day it is often "well I can't go on Thursdays" etc.... I explain to them the fact they THEY called the hotline so it is very possible they are looking for help, but still there are often the excuses. At some point there is only so much I can offer and must complete the call.

I UNDERSTAND the resistance. It took me years of pain, the loss of everything and every person around me before I finally made it to my first GA meeting. But, unless you TRY to surrender, limit the damage by not placing another bet, and then following it up by using the tools available to improve your life, it will never happen.

Day 941 - Belly Button Birthday

2005-06-15T20:24:00.000-07:00

Interesting day today. I got phone calls and e mails from all of my acquaintances OUTSIDE of Gamblers Anonymous. This is somewhat unusual as most of my daily contact these days usually revolves around work or GA.

But, today was different. Today is my Biological birthday. So, my ex called, the kids called, brothers and all wished me well. But only a few of the people I spend so much time with these days called or wrote.

Why no GA contact? Because of the anonymity of the program. Even though I spent over 20 hours a week with people I have met in GA , not counting meetings, many people still don't know my last name? Or when my birthday is? Some don't even know where my house is!

Yet, I go to movies, have dinner, play golf, and many other activities with these people just like I have known them forever. In many ways I know THESE people much better than I know any of the people who wished me well this day. This is because we share the bond of similar experience.

The bond of lying and cheating and stealing, and missing work, and SWEARING we would not lose more than $100.00 per day, and leaving money and credit cards at home only to drive several hours round trip to go back and get them and more. We share our compulsive gambler experiences! Nobody else can REALLY understand those feelings. I would not expect them to.

And yes, some of my closer friends in GA knew it was my birthday today, know my last name, and have been to my house. But I still do not consider any of the others less of a friend.

As for the birthday itself? Nothing exciting. I did a little reflecting on whether this is where I thought I would be in life at this age. The answer? NO. But, I am where I am supposed to be. I accept that now.

John

Tsunami Warning!

2005-06-14T21:36:00.000-07:00

So, I was just about to sit down and blog a little when my e-mails started piling in. TSUNAMI WARNING!

As I have said in the past, one of my hobbies is monitoring public safety radio. Comes from my past work life. Anyway, with that monitoring comes my participation in several online groups related to the topic. We let each other know about major events to monitor (and ONLY monitor) in different areas. Things like brush fires, pursuits, things like that.

Anyway, tonight was the possible Tsunami. As a result of a 7.0 earthquake off our CA coast there was a possibility of a tsunami being generated. Warnings were issued and blasted all over TV and radio. I live in a coastal city, but am a few miles from the coast so I was not really worried, but it was a fun hour of excitement!

I can remember when I was gambling I would actually get UPSET when a brush fire would require evacuation of the casino. See, all of the casinos here in Southern California are in fire prone areas so the evacuations were not uncommon.

It was a lot more fun sitting here listening to it all tonight than being mad because I couldn't place another bet.

Not much else to say. Have a good night all.

John

Compulsive Gambler And Author To Speak In Berkeley, CA

2005-06-14T12:04:00.000-07:00

If you are in the San Fransisco Bay area and want to learn a little bit more about this addiction, and Gamblers Anonymous you might want to plan on seeing Bill Lee as he reads from his new book, “Born to Lose: Memoirs of a Compulsive Gambler”. The lecture will take place at 3 p.m. at Eastwind Books of Berkeley, 2066 University Ave. 548-2350.

I have heard a lot of good things about this book. If you would like a copy for yourself, just click on the "Hazelden" link below to order a copy.

Recovery Saying of the Day...

2005-06-14T12:01:00.000-07:00

"Do the right thing today, even when nobody else is looking."

It is easy to fool ourselves into "thinking" we are being more honest because when others are around us we are not lying to them, or hurting them at that moment. But, if when everyone around me is gone, would I still make the same choice in a given situation?