Monday, April 11, 2005

Day 876 - More about my past..

So, I promised I would write a little more about my gambling history today.

Shortly after that first trip to Vegas, I got a job that allowed me to travel quite a bit. As a result I started hitting the casinos around the country to fight boredom. Also, this was just about the time the Indian Casinos were just getting off the ground here in Southern California. I remember when the Barona, Sycuan, Viegas, and Pechanga casinos were literally just Pop-Up tents and trailers with a couple of poker tables, a couple of blackjack tables and some slots. Now, each of these has grown into destination type resorts with golf courses and hotels with hundreds of rooms.

Like many stories I have heard since, at first I really was just gambling to pass some time. This was all new to me and I found it very interesting. If I won, that was a bonus which made it even more fun.

Unfortunately as time went along, the money from the gambling winnings went from "extra" to "neccessary" in my mind.

But, soon the bets got bigger, the losses more frequent, the time to try and get the money to buy the big things and nice trips more lengthy, and the lies more common. I would discover alot about why I got to this point. But back then all I can remember is the chaos of each and every day.

Eventually this chaos had me lying, stealing, and cheating everyone I knew. "A" finally left. No friends wanted anything to do with me. I had no home. I had no money. I had no job (I got fired from two in the last two years of my gambling). I had no hope.

Next time I ll start talking about entering my recovery stage...